• Justin L. Redman

The Bonehead Curse

A mysterious package arrived at the studio. We don't know who sent it, but there is an ominous feeling. There just may be a curse placed on this package. That could explain why I don't have a voice to record the next episode, or why I have to watch the same movie every night so my son will go to sleep. Are we cursed? You will find out on the next episode, but let's discuss curses.

Movies, television, books, stories and sports all have some version of a curse. A curse offers us the easiest explanation why we experience a series of bad events. Especially when it comes to love and sports. A curse may be the easiest explanation, but it is the most difficult to lift. That is what makes curses so intriguing. A curse is the ultimate mystery because we have to deduce why we were cursed in the first place, and how do we break the curse.

In Beauty and the Beast, Beast had to find someone to accept him for the way he was, but he had to win someone's heart before a certain time. We see adaptations of the Beast curse in movies where womanizing men are turned into women.

In children shows, a curse is disguised as bad luck. The hero of the story either breaks a mirror or walks under a ladder, then they spend the rest of the episode with bad luck. Usually they break the streak of bad luck when they learn they make their own luck. The bad luck episode is one of those "required" episode because I see them in every show my children watch.

These two examples are the fun curses or the life lesson curses because they teach us something, it's the big four curses that we see more of in the horror genre. Let's explore them and see if we can avoid a curse.

The Curse of Immortality

Vampires with a conscience and other immortals like Connor McCloud would tell you immortality sucks. Unless you share your gift with your loved ones, you are going to watch them age and die before your very eyes. They are going to look at your eternally youthful face and wonder why you are not aging? There's a good chance your loved one might get pissed because you didn't share. I'm sure they may call you a selfish bastard.

Another problem with immortality is boredom. We are already in a time when we see an action movie with the popular actor and say isn't that the same movie as his last just with a different title. That's the biggest reason I don't get in a hurry to see the latest action movie. There is nothing original anymore. They're all cookie cutter movies now. Why because we've already told all the stories we can tell. That's when the boredom sets in, and boredom is my biggest fear.

The final issue with immortality is watching the world change. Look at how our world changed from the 90s until now. Cell phones required a big bag and only the rich could afford it. We were listening to music on cds and the internet was only for universities and the military. Now I do all of that on one device. Technology is ultra cool but imagine trying to keep up. Let's take my father for example. My father listened to music on records, reel to reel, cassette tapes, eight tracks, cds and now he is learning to stream. That is a lot for a man who lived for 70 years.

We have people today who listened to their favorite shows on the radio and now can watch or listen to their favorite shows anywhere. Think of the medical and science breakthroughs they've witnessed.

Yes it is exciting to witness all of this, I did my fair share of witnessing. I don't know if I would want to keep up with the next fad or breakthrough. At some point I think I would get bored. So right back to boredom, and I would become one of those cry baby vampires and whine about how immortality sucks.

The Curse of the Mummy

We've all seen this curse. A bunch of tomb raiders find a chest or sarcophagus with the

warning, "who shall open this chest will be cursed." Of course they ignore this warning because they don't believe in some silly superstition. " It is only a ruse to scare cowardly thieves away. They open the chest and mayhem ensues in the form of an immortal mummy.

Sometimes the mummy was involved in a heinous act and the hero not only has to survive but stop the mummy from taking over the world. Most of these stories take place in ancient Egypt. That makes me think, could I create a cajun mummy. There's so much potential with that story.

I think the worst part of this curse, the boredom. Here you are stuck in a dark sarcophagus waiting for some moron to open you up three thousand years later. On a different note, I would love to see this curse. I wouldn't want to be the one cursed but at the same time look a mummy.

A Witches Curse

The one curse you don't want. If a witch or voodoo priestess curses you, buckle up because this is going to be one bumpy ride. They probably cursed you because you falsely accused them of a crime or did something bad to them. The curse is their justice and their vengeance. If you think you are safe from a curse in death, think again. Voodoo priestess are known to make a zombie out of your corpse with a curse. So even in death you could be a slave to the priestess.

Some of their curses include granting you immortality but you will suffer. They could curse your family or your love life. Either you won't find love or if you do something happens that will take that person away from you. Just look at Practical Magic. Anytime someone from that family fell in love, that person would die. My advice, don't piss off a witch.

The Sports Curse

Superstitions in sports is very common. Some athletes will put their left sock on first for a home game or their right sock first for an away game. Other athletes won't change their socks until they lose. However if a professional sports team does not win a championship in a hundred years, then the team must be cursed.

It is believed the Chicago Cubs were cursed by William Sianis in 1945. Sianis and his goat attended game 4 of the World Series with Detroit. During the game Sianis' goat was bothering fans, which prompted in their removal. Like any typical fan Sianis was outraged and insulted at his removal and cursed the Cubs.

The exact nature or wording of the curse is unclear, but it when something like this, "you'll never win the world series again while I live." I'm fairly certain teams have heard this curse before, so the Cubs ignored it. 71 years later the Cubs won the world series. It took all seven games, but the curse was broken. The reason for seven games, both teams were cursed.

The Cleveland Indians also blame their lack of championships on a curse and the Boston Red Sox once claimed to be cursed. While the Indians are hoping a mascot change will left the curse, the Red Sox lifted theirs in 2004.

The next time you have a series of unfortunate events, reflect on why these mishaps are occurring. You may find that you wronged someone and you need to atone. Life is miserable if you're cursed.

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